Enjoying life as a coaching mother

One year ago, I was offered a position with a Division 1 professional soccer team – and one year ago I almost declined the opportunity.

 

My first reaction was excitement at the opportunity. My second reaction was: "I can’t do that to my kids." 

 

Fortunately, I have a great friend who, when I told her I was turning it down, said: “That doesn’t feel right, that doesn’t feel like the right pathway for you.” 

 

I started to tell her that I was worried I was being selfish to ask my kids to move for my job, my career, my dream. 

 

Even when she assured me that my kids would be fine, that kids are resilient, that kids adapt, I still feared I would be a "horrible mother" for making a career choice that was good for me. 

 

My kids were 16, 14 and 12 at the time of this decision, and they had moved as ’military kids’ only three times in their young lives.

 

The mindset at the time of the third and final move back home to Colorado was that this was our last move. 

 

Why was it that I had no problem moving my children when my husband’s military and pilot career demanded it, but, now that we were finally in a position to let my career have some ’wings’, I was worried about how my kids would handle it? 

 

Six months after moving from Colorado to Kentucky, and a year after I initially thought I had to respectfully decline the opportunity, I can see that my kids have adapted incredibly well, and really are resilient.

 

I have also grown, not only as a coach, but as a mother. 

 

The voices we hear – sometimes in our heads, and sometimes actually ringing through our ears – are not always the right voices to listen to. 

 

Thankfully, the voice that rang the loudest when I needed it the most was from another super-mom, bad-ass businesswoman, who made sure I heard the voice of confidence over the noise of fear. 

 

Even after 20-plus years in this coaching career, I still feared not being good enough to be both a professional coach, as well as an engaged and committed mother. 

 

We would once have to choose between motherhood and parts of our selves. It takes something special to return to the game in any form and at any level. 

 

When I retired from professional soccer in 2003, I expected that part of my life was done, and the next chapter, including motherhood, was next. 

 

I never expected, or even imagined, motherhood and a professional coaching career would intertwine. 

 

Motherhood has rewritten our playbook. Where I once felt that I needed to separate being a mother from being a coach – because I was sometimes viewed more as a nurturer than a motivator – I now consider myself a better coach because I am a mother, not in spite of it.

 

All coaches experience challenges in this industry. Being a female comes with additional challenges; and being a mother brings even more. 

 

Yet, despite those challenges, I believe that being a mother has made me a better coach, and being a coach has made me a better mother. 

 

Throughout my career, I have had doubters and critics – including my own self-doubt and self-criticism. 

 

I have considered quitting this career more than a handful of times. You would think, by now, I would have heard it all. 

 

Then, about a year ago, I considered the boldest coaching decision of my career – and I heard more ’noise’.

 

These are some of the real things that were said to me:

 

"Are you sure you want to coach in the professional game? That level is hard on families"
In many ways, this level is easier on my family schedule than any other level!

 

"Shouldn’t you be focusing more on your family right now?"
I focus on family every day; I just also happen to focus on my job.

 

"How will you do that and take care of your kids? How will you handle the travel?"
Side note: I travel less now than I have in the last 10 years of my career.

"Don’t you feel guilty? Is mom guilt real?"
Yes, it is real; and yes, I do feel guilty, at times. But I also feel joy and pride, and hope I am setting a good example to my children.

"Are you sure you want to keep coaching?"

Yes, I do! I love coaching!

 

So, who am I now? How do I feel now? Do I regret my decision? 

 

The short answer is: nothing is the same, but not everything is different. 

 

The longer answer is: I am capable, strong, and loving my life as a mother who also coaches, and a coach who also mothers.